Why you should check your friendship-odometer during wedding planning?
We just love L-O-V-E and everything that has to do with it but there’s one thing that’s become even more apparent and relevant than ever… Wedding planning has become an over-the-top, Bridezilla, Groomzilla, all about me, me, me bonanza.
It goes a little something like this . . .
Girl gets engaged.
Girl begins wedding planning craze.
Girl leaves family and/or friend by the waste-side.
Boy gets excited about the wedding.
Boy only wants to hear about your efforts to be there.
And while no one wants to chase a fallen leaf from their tree, it’s all too easy for wedding planning and your newly elevated love to become the center of your world. But it’s not the center of everyone else’s world. While you’re in wedding planning bliss, the beat goes on and real life is happening to those around you.
Here are some instances where friendship had to trump wedding planning -
“During the end of my wedding planning experience, Zika broke out and our wedding was in Puerto Rico. 3 of my dearest friends, including a bridesmaid, and their spouses couldn’t attend because they were expecting. Another friend had, unfortunately, lost a baby. I wanted them at my wedding but what was going on with their families was way more important.”- BF
“Right before the wedding, my Maid of Honor, after looking for work for a while, got cast in a national tour for a year, with full benefits and a salary. Unfortunately they couldn't work with the wedding as our wedding was scheduled for opening weekend. It was an amazing opportunity that she couldn’t turn down. So I had to have someone else be my Maid of Honor. I was sad because we’d been best friends for 21 years. But I had to be happy for my friend who just got a really important career opportunitydespite it affecting her being in my wedding.” -A.S.
“When we were planning, my Best Man was involved in a car crash. The weekend it happened, we were supposed to be selecting our venue and placing a deposit. But I had to go be with him to make sure he was fine. We ended up losing out on the venue, but gained so much more.” M.H.B.
To sum it up, your friends have things going on in their lives too. Be it love or job drama. Be it financial issues or family traumas. Be it a health scare or some emotional wear and tear. They have their own lives with their own issues. While you’re in bridal bliss, they may just be trying to make it. They may not be telling you every detail of their lives but have you even cared to ask. Have you sent that “Hey! How are you? Just checking on you” text or made a similar call? Or are they always doing that for you? Hmph. Sounds like you better check your friendship-odometer.
That doesn’t mean these friends can’t still support and be happy for you. But if you notice that the relationships with people you were once close to or use to be closer with seem to have changed (changes enough for you to have the question mark bubble over your head when thinking of them), maybe you should take a moment and think when’s the last time you actually took a moment to just be a friend. And by “friend” we mean a real friend. One who actually cares about the welfare of another and cares enough to listen.
Questions to ponder -
Who were they to you before the engagement or when it started?
When’s the last time you talked to them?
When’s the last time you just to check in on them?
Do you miss them as a friend?
Hmmmmm . . . .
Now we can’t ignore that some friends have turned into foe during your engagement. They weren’t really that happy for you. They barely said congratulations. They always had some b.s. excuse for why they could be there in support of you. You know who they are. You’ve caught the jealousy/hatin’ vibe and you’d prefer that it wasn’t at your wedding any way. But others have required nothing of you and still wished you happiness. They’ve checked on, congratulated, supported and even sent a gift(s). These are the people who were so thrilled you were engaged that they were also shouting it from the rooftops with you. The friends who, although not standing beside you as a member of your wedding party, you wanted to see their face as you looked out into the crowd of witnesses on your wedding day. The friends who knew and supported you as an individual, as well as the fiancée. The friends who you’ve shared special moments with. These are the friends that you’re, specifically, checking your friendship-odometer for.
If you’ve found yourself wrapped in the “it’s all about me and my wedding” bubble on your own accord or through reading this article, there’s still hope for you yet. Yup, even for those of you who are just realizing it after your wedding has come and gone. Ask yourself those questions to ponder (listed above) and then make a plan of action. Call. Text. Set-up a date. Then be genuine. Apologize if you have to. Start afresh if you need to. You’ll be respected for your efforts if for nothing else. It really is for the best.
REMEMBER . . . .
While your wedding may be the dream of a lifetime, it’s one day or weekend that comes and goes away. But good, supportive family and friends make those moments worth so much more. You’ll need their love and support through the highs and lows of marriage. You’ll want those people beside you who are genuine and real. But you won’t have that in your marital future if you’ve neglected and/or abandoned that relationship during wedding planning. Check yourself. Take the step. Then your friendship-odometer will be back on track.
Happy wedding planning!